A black hole in the universe

A black hole in the universe.

Wau! I am this ever, changing, fluid, flowing, always creating and always dying presence.
Oh my God!
I am not a limited, cramped, ego!
Nothing can ever harm me again.
I am goodness itself.
An absolutely free being.

I am timeless space.
Openness in essence.

I am.

Yeah! I dance with boundless joy.

It is for all to see and if you don´t recognize it,
you are court in illusion.

But it is ok.

All is ok.

All is one.

We are all It.

No identification even with the goodness, I am told.

As the receptive and sensitive student I am
I droop it.
In fact I have already noticed
the luring desert behind the ecstasy.

I sink.
Protesting – at first.
But then
strangely drawn.
I sink into the desert.
I look around and see nothing.

Stay with the emptiness, I am told.

After a while, subtleties in the emptiness, begin to show.

Yeah! After all there is life in the lifeless!

I am in awe and wonder.

And suddenly it is no longer so subtle.

Light appears.

One minute, the ruthless sun, burns of the top of my head.
It feels like someone has hammered a nail, through that spot, on the top of the head, that used to be soft.

Then, the next minute, it feels like the black and ice cold night of the desert,
freezes my bones to the marrow.
Scary bugs and creeps seem to lurk everywhere.
I am thirsty and I am hungry.
Hungry for company.
I am terrified and want out.

How did I end up here?

I thought the spiritual path promised eternal bliss!

I am going to die here.

Alone!

My feet can not carry me another step.
In desperation I begin to dig
but the more I dig, in the sand,
the deeper I am buried.

The sand is so fine and delicate
and it cant be molded.
It just slips through, my shaking hands, like the purest silk ever.

Carefully, I become aware, of the beauty of this movement
and I see the billions grains of sand, twinkle like diamonds, in the moonlight.
I feel my body relaxe and a deep sigh, leaves my longs.

I hardly notetis my surrender.

Peace is profound.

And then…the next morning
or maybe it is, in fact five, no wait, ten, no a hundred, no a thousand years down the road.

I dream, that I am a black hole, in the vast universe
and it closes in, on itself.
Like it folds back in and it is gone.
As if it were never there.

I finally realize.
It is not about me.

It was never about me.

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