I came here to die

April 2012
I Came here to die.
I know that now.
The nothingness draws me in.
More and more so.
The desert attracts me immensely.
There is a strong pull.
It started as a subtle, almost unnoticeable impulse from beyond the boundaries of what I knew as me.
As I gave attention to the subtleties of that pull, the pull became stronger and stronger.
I had to.
There was no other desire.
Now the desert is all I want.
And that I is me and yet not me at all, anymore.
That I is disappearing into the horizon.
I am a faint mirage in the heat that burns all away and leaves no illusions  to feed from.
There was an I that I knew.
There was that, but time is also gone.
The bare, wast, dry desert is all there is now.
Don´t talk to me of the life and nurturing waters and minerals that are underneath the appearances of the desert. 
I am not interested.
I came here to die.
I know that now.
Sweet sweet o sweet evaporation of form.
How can I pay you back?
Tell me how to plant your seed in every life.
Show me how to listen to The subtleties of stillness that I haven’t yet heard.
Teach me, to teach every ear, to hear You.
My heart is in your invisible hands and I bow because nothing is more natural to this me that you own.

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