How can you be more beautiful that the sunrise?
How can I want you more than I want the warm caress of my lover?
How can I want you more than I want company and appreciation – confirmation?
How come I want you more than I want pressure relief from physical and emotional longing?
How come I want you more than I want success and comfort?
How can I want you more than I want a full tummy and a sucker treat?
How come, I love you so fiercely,
that I am willing to let all,
that I have built up in my life,
burn to ashes,
time after time, again and again?
How come my love for you grows stronger and stronger
every second, every minute, every day?
How can you be more beautiful than the sunrise?
A black hole in the universe
A black hole in the universe.
Wau! I am this ever, changing, fluid, flowing, always creating and always dying presence.
Oh my God!
I am not a limited, cramped, ego!
Nothing can ever harm me again.
I am goodness itself.
An absolutely free being.
I am timeless space.
Openness in essence.
I am.
Yeah! I dance with boundless joy.
It is for all to see and if you don´t recognize it,
you are court in illusion.
But it is ok.
All is ok.
All is one.
We are all It.
No identification even with the goodness, I am told.
As the receptive and sensitive student I am
I droop it.
In fact I have already noticed
the luring desert behind the ecstasy.
I sink.
Protesting – at first.
But then
strangely drawn.
I sink into the desert.
I look around and see nothing.
Stay with the emptiness, I am told.
After a while, subtleties in the emptiness, begin to show.
Yeah! After all there is life in the lifeless!
I am in awe and wonder.
And suddenly it is no longer so subtle.
Light appears.
One minute, the ruthless sun, burns of the top of my head.
It feels like someone has hammered a nail, through that spot, on the top of the head, that used to be soft.
Then, the next minute, it feels like the black and ice cold night of the desert,
freezes my bones to the marrow.
Scary bugs and creeps seem to lurk everywhere.
I am thirsty and I am hungry.
Hungry for company.
I am terrified and want out.
How did I end up here?
I thought the spiritual path promised eternal bliss!
I am going to die here.
Alone!
My feet can not carry me another step.
In desperation I begin to dig
but the more I dig, in the sand,
the deeper I am buried.
The sand is so fine and delicate
and it cant be molded.
It just slips through, my shaking hands, like the purest silk ever.
Carefully, I become aware, of the beauty of this movement
and I see the billions grains of sand, twinkle like diamonds, in the moonlight.
I feel my body relaxe and a deep sigh, leaves my longs.
I hardly notetis my surrender.
Peace is profound.
And then…the next morning
or maybe it is, in fact five, no wait, ten, no a hundred, no a thousand years down the road.
I dream, that I am a black hole, in the vast universe
and it closes in, on itself.
Like it folds back in and it is gone.
As if it were never there.
I finally realize.
It is not about me.
It was never about me.
Free fall
To fall a free fall.
Back first, arms out.
Into an endless abyss.
The sweetness, oh such sweetness.
Like lovers when they gently caresses each other.
It a mind-blowing sensation.
When the point between the eyes spontaneously expands.
Open, open open.
It is pure openness.
All old falls away.
How to be in this newness?
And the question falls away.
To be…be…be…be.
Only being is left now.
And then
Thankfulness.
2 – 12- 2010
Light switch on
In the middle of the night.
In deep sleep.
The light, inside me, suddenly was switched on.
It woke me up.
And the realization came.
That this is what I am.
I am with you.
The first time I saw you
I wanted more.
And I was angry.
The second time I saw you
You literally blew me away.
Now I have no future and no past.
Where there use to be somthing
There now is nothing.
My heart aches and I weep.
But it is with joy.
All I ask is – for Ultimate reality.
The first time I saw you
I wanted more.
The second time I saw you
You literally blew me away.
The third time I see you
I am with you.
The Great All
I am The Great All.
The Great All has taken residence in this body.
My head is moving back and forth as if it is threatening to break of my neck.
Like The Great All could rip my head off and replace it with pure white.
Finally I lean back against the sofa and my neck relaxes.
My throat chakra is wide open and light is coming in.
With the speed of light.
Pure white.
In the white there are twinkling diamonds by the billions.
The Great All has taken residence in this body.
Or so it seems.
Certain Masters would say
that all that has happen
is veils have fallen away.
Will The Great All also take residence in my life – for real?
Listen
I listen and listen and listen to the great Silence,
and nothing was ever more real to me.
It is the realest thing I have ever encountered.
This great Silence draws me in
and the world as I knew it falls away.
How wonderful is this!
Being a cosmos of beauty, ever creating, ever dying.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Show me how to unfold this – full emptiness,
and only that.
There is only you
April 2012
There is only you.
I seek you in all.
Every time I ask ” who am I?” is it you that I seek.
Every time I look into another human beings eyes, it is you I hope to find.
When restlessness haunts me, I have forgotten that you are near me.
Absolutely intimately near me.
I love you forever.
I came here to die
April 2012
I Came here to die.
I know that now.
The nothingness draws me in.
More and more so.
The desert attracts me immensely.
There is a strong pull.
It started as a subtle, almost unnoticeable impulse from beyond the boundaries of what I knew as me.
As I gave attention to the subtleties of that pull, the pull became stronger and stronger.
I had to.
There was no other desire.
Now the desert is all I want.
And that I is me and yet not me at all, anymore.
That I is disappearing into the horizon.
I am a faint mirage in the heat that burns all away and leaves no illusions to feed from.
There was an I that I knew.
There was that, but time is also gone.
The bare, wast, dry desert is all there is now.
Don´t talk to me of the life and nurturing waters and minerals that are underneath the appearances of the desert.
I am not interested.
I came here to die.
I know that now.
Sweet sweet o sweet evaporation of form.
How can I pay you back?
Tell me how to plant your seed in every life.
Show me how to listen to The subtleties of stillness that I haven’t yet heard.
Teach me, to teach every ear, to hear You.
My heart is in your invisible hands and I bow because nothing is more natural to this me that you own.
The Great Void
The Great Void.
The Great Void takes everything now.
There seems to be no room for anything.
It is here.
Out of honoring the void, I do something that is out of character with my habitual self, and fear kicks in.
Its cold and ugly hand takes my intestines by the neck and squeezes tight.
The pain in my inside makes it hard to breathe.
This body has to lie flat on the stomach to bear the physical discomfort.
But there is no suffering.
Only vast empty space.
Endless.
Nothing is happening.
I miss my lover profoundly.
My body aches to feel him inside me.
I long to melt into each other in that kind of ecstasy that dissolves the you and me into one body.
Beautiful.
Still there is no suffering.
Only stillness, stretching to the end of everything.
And on the screen of this stillness there are thoughts, feelings and sensations moving through my humanness.
Still nothing is happening.
The worldly worry of getting old and having achieved absolutely nothing.
Having done absolutely nothing worthwhile.
Having changed nothing to the better.
Left with a wrinkled and tired face and body and nothing to be proud of, makes me crumble and gasp for air and still –
Nothing but this vast empty void that can only be described as peace.
Nothing is happening.
The me is a construct and it is becoming frail now.
Still nothing is happening.
LivingHeartfulness 